Celeste De Kock (Portraits of the bravest girl I have ever met)

I recently received the following inquiry.

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Name: Celeste

Message: My fiance died on 04 March and we were to be married on 20 March … I have my dress and would like to have a photo(s)taken. I’m not quite sure what is should look like, but I know that I want it to portray my sadness (dark), but also hope, love and faith (light). Hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you.

Kind regards.

Celeste

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To say that it made the world around me close for a moment would be an understatement. Usually I like to write about my shoots and my subjects and like to give you background on the people that I am so fortunate to be able to work with. However, in this instance, I will let the subject describe the shoot. As you may know, I have a project that I am working on called the Cherish Series. We decided to turn this shoot into a portrait session and also a Cherish Session. .

The Cherish series will end with the Celeste image. I could never be able to create something that someone could Cherish as much as the image we are working on, and find it fitting to end an amazing project that I have spent the last year on with Rudi Silbermann.

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What this shoot means to me.

By Celeste De Kock.

If I had any say in this, I would tell you (honestly) that this is something I don’t want to do, never wanted to go through and never in a million years wanted to deal with.

A month ago the world as I knew it changed in the most profound way possible – I still struggle to grasp the magnitude of what happened but have to deal with it every day.

Ont the 4th of March I lost my fiancé (Francois) in a car accident. The term “rug pulled out from under you” does not even come close to what it felt like hearing the words “he did not make it” … especially if you were supposed to get married two weeks later.

Getting married should be one of the happiest memories and times of your life. If you are a girl, you will know exactly what I mean. This is something you consciously / unconsciously dream about from the time you can remember and it is something you look forward to with child-like anticipation. Meeting someone you can spend the rest of your life with and love (for better of worse, till death do you part) is one of the most precious things you can ever be a part of. Having that someone and the dream of “For ever after” taken away (for ever), because lets face it: even if I, by some chance, were to meet someone else … to dream about “it”, to anticipate, to get married to, will never be the same – ever.

I will never know how it would have felt like to marry Francois (the butterflies, the excitement the day before, the longing to give myself to someone so completely and fully before God). I will never walk down the isle in my wedding dress (the one he now will never see) beside my father and look up to see the sweetest smile on his face – standing there (nervous), looking handsome … waiting for me … wanting most of all to begin our new life together …

This is what this picture is about. I want something to cherish for ever – a love, a thought, a feeling, a dream, a life …

This is me, still wanting to marry Francois … knowing that I can’t. It is me missing him, watching stars, doing everything we used to do… without him. This is me counting and cherishing my blessings (amazing friends, loved ones and life) – me realising that I have the choice, as hard as it seems, to live and make the most of the life I was given or die emotionally and serve no purpose.

There is a song I listen to as often as possible (Casting Crowns – Praise You in the storm). It serves as a reminder that no matter what troubles I go through, I serve a God that loves me, predestined me and allows certain things to happen. It is not for me to question but to believe that He has a plan and a purpose.